Notes and disclaimers: From the people who brought you Degrassi, not me. No profit garnered ever. Thanks to circusgirl for beta action. For e on her early birthday. Title and summary from Beth Orton.
WHY SHOULD I KNOW BETTER BY NOW
"It's midnight," Jude said, looking down at her watch. Tommy saw her smile break across her face.
"You're eighteen," he said, getting up from the console. He walked straight into the booth, heard the door slam behind him, and took her in his arms.
"Tommy," she said. She probably had more to say, this was Jude after all, but he was kissing her already. She wore lipgloss flavored like cinnamon and he could feel her pulse against his hand. It was beating fast. Tommy thought his must be faster. Not even individual beats at this point, just one long slam towards her.
He needed her against the wall and it was nothing to lift her and be there. He kissed her neck and she arched against him. She said, "Tommy," again, more breath this time. His hand covered her entire breast. He always forgot she was small and tiny because she filled every room she walked into. "Tommy," she said, "this is going pretty fast."
He took a deep breath. "You want to stop?" He didn't move his hands from her waist and breast.
"No," she said. She shifted and her thigh pressed against his hip, the heel of her boot dug into the back of his thigh. She said, "no," again and tugged at his neck. "Faster."
"I need to sleep," she said. She pulled up her underwear and her jeans. She laughed. "I really need to sleep now."
"Yeah," he said. He buttoned his pants and looked at her. Her face was flushed. "Long day."
"Totally." She pushed herself off the wall and wobbled a little. "Wow."
"Yeah." He nearly laughed. "Totally." He said, "We should have breakfast. After you sleep."
"Breakfast? Or actual breakfast?" She giggled.
"Actual breakfast," he said.
"Right," she said. "Okay. Yeah."
He followed her out to her car and watched her wave as she drove off. They hadn't had sex. Not all the way sex, he thought, and nearly laughed at himself. Like he was thirteen again and hadn't done it. He wondered if Jude had. She hadn't had a real kiss however she defined it before Shay. Maybe she'd slept with him.
He put the key in the ignition and started driving. She hadn't had sex with Shay. Or Jamie. He was pretty sure of that. Speederman, maybe. Tommy tapped the steering wheel. She'd done things, he knew that. He shook his head. He wanted that. He wanted her to have done everything.
"Actual breakfast," she said. She ate more of her omelet and then sipped her coffee.
It was almost painful to look at her. Watching her put things in her mouth, the shrug of her shoulders as she fiddled with her fork. She wasn't wearing a bra. "So what are your plans for the day?" He had to force out the words.
"My birthday?" She frowned. "Studio from noon to six, party afterwards. You know this, Tommy. Or is only one of your brains working?"
"Hey," he said. "What?"
"It's just a day. Yesterday you weren't pushing me up against the wall," she said, and then whispering, "or putting your hand in my pants."
"It mattered." He pressed his lips together. He had to say it right. The perfect lyric, he thought. "I remember all the things I did when they were new and the first time. I don't want you to be that kind of mistake."
"You'd rather have me used?" She grinned at that.
He looked down at the plate. "I guess."
She laughed. "Okay. Okay, that's a little crazy, but okay."
"It's not crazy," he said.
"You just don't want to be R Kelly," she said. He looked up just as her lips closed around her fork and he had to look down quickly.
"I'll take his producing career."
"If you ever try to talk me into doing a soap opera song with midgets, we're over."
Tommy smiled. "Midgets aren't very Jude Harrison. For you? An albino."
She gulped her water down to stop laughing. "Okay, okay. So what are we doing here? I'm your broken in car, what are your plans?"
He thought, drive you everywhere. He said, "You don't have to be at the studio until noon, right?"
"Have I even seen your place before?" She walked straight back to the bedroom and he could barely follow her.
When he got through the doorway, she pressed up against him. "You're not going to answer me."
"Remember how only one of my brains is working?"
They shuffled onto the bed and he pulled away from her with effort. "You've done this before, right?"
She smiled. She sat up and took off her shirt. "Yes, Tommy, I have had sex before. I wasn't saving myself for you."
"Thank God," he said. He tugged at the waistband of her jeans. "Get over here."
She blushed when she was naked. "I haven't done it as many times as you have," she said.
"Doesn't matter," he said.
He started to unbutton his jeans but she put her hands over his. "I got this," she said. She pushed his pants down to his knees and he kicked them off.
She touched his hip and then trailed her finger down his thigh. "Wow," she said. "Here we are."
"Here we are." He mimicked her movements, rubbing her thigh. Silky smooth and trembling. She smiled at him and scooted closer. "I love you," he said.
"Really?" She closed her eyes and her hand clenched on his thigh. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I think that was the worst thing to say ever. I love you, too. I do." She opened her eyes and stared at him. "I do."
"Really?" He pulled her tight against him. He kissed her to shut her up and because he couldn't keep waiting.
She shifted and he felt her thigh against his hip again. This time no jeans. He said, "Wait."
"No," she said. "I'm on the pill. No more waiting."
Her heel dug into his thigh and she moved and he could feel her. She was tight and wet and it was worth two years and everything stupid and for that moment when she pushed against him and he watched the flush on her face and neck. He'd had sex, even with women he'd loved but there was something about this bed and the yellow sheets and her red hair on the pillow and the give of her hips as he held on that was impossible.
"I'll drive you anywhere," he said.
She clung to him. "I want to drive sometimes," she said, gasping.
"Whatever you want," he said.
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