NOTES AND DISCLAIMERS: Made up, no profit garnered. Entourage is HBO's. As are all the characters, except the ones that are real, but the show did it first. Much thanks to Charli J for the headcheck and Younger for the rallying cry.


The best part about living in the guesthouse is never having to use the bathroom after Turtle's taken a dump. Fuck everything else, Eric's never moving back into the house just because of that.

He's brushing his teeth when he hears Vince say, "Man, you missed breakfast. Where were you?"

Eric says, "Here. Asleep. Did I miss something?"

"Johnny's got an audition for, uh, the Gilmore Girls?" When Eric looks in the mirror, he can see Vince's bare feet hanging over the edge of the bed. "So he's reciting his lines without even breathing. Like his agent told him." Vince laughs. "Then Turtle started trying to get him to breathe, like, throwing stuff at him and following him when he went outside and shouting who's Dean, who the fuck is Dean?"

"Sounds like a party." Eric spits into the sink right as his phone rings.

Vince says, "Who is Dean? Have you ever watched that show?"

Eric says "Fuck no," and then "hello?" as he opens his phone.

"E, you are so fucking lucky today." It's Ari and Eric closes the bathroom door.

When he opens the door Vince is watching Viking Quest on the Sci-fi channel. He says, "This show sucks so much."

"Pretty much." Eric sits down next to Vince. "Ari called. Colin Farrell bailed out of Matterhorn."

Vince shrugs. When Eric keeps staring, he says, "So?" Vince leans closer and says, "Maybe he finally read the script."

"That script sucks." Eric takes a breath and thinks about Johnny trying to talk without inhaling. "But they want you again, man, $4 million."

"Fuck 'em. We're doing Queens Boulevard."

"They're changing the title, I think, I told you." Eric pushes Vince and Vince pushes back. "I told you. It's Dirty Boulevard now."

"Sounds like a porn movie." Vince stretches and it's so completely transparent, like Eric is some 13 year old virgin who doesn't expect Vince'll end up with his arm on Eric's back. "It's good I never did porn. I think I forgot the new title because it sounds like porn. Bad porn."

"It's a Lou Reed song. They got permission and everything. They thought the other title was too New York." Eric thinks about reaching for the remote. Vince always feels so hot, like along with the big head he's another degree higher. "Apparently, too New York is a bad thing."

"That's bullshit."

"Yup. So, Ari wants to know what you think about Matterhorn."

"I think I'm not doing it, just like last time." Vince shifts closer again. He taps Eric's leg. "We said no. Just because Colin Farrell wised up doesn't mean we got stupid. Right?"

Now Vince's hand is flat on Eric's leg. He almost wishes he'd put on his jeans this morning. A little. Eric says, "You wanna do the movie?"

"I want to do the porn movie. Dirty Boulevard. Is it even a good song?"

"It's Lou Reed." Eric shrugs this time, stupid 13-year-old girl waiting for more. "You know, take a walk on the wild side?"

Vince sings "do doo doo doo" and pushes Eric down onto the bed. "Did I get that right?"

"Yes, fucktard." He puts his hand up to get Vince off of him but it turns into more of a grope. "So I'm gonna call Ari back and tell him one more time to fuck off about Matterhorn."

Vince is on top of him and there's nothing teenage or virginal at this point. He says, "I think you're doing that later."

They kiss then, Vince always loves kissing. Eric pushes him again and says, "I think you're high."

Vince slides down Eric and pulls off his shorts. "That would be the other thing you missed at breakfast, dipshit."

At the count of 3 he says, I hope I can disappear - Lou Reed, Dirty Blvd.

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