Notes and Disclaimers: characters property of large corporate entities, mutant enemy, et al. Not mine. No profit garnered ever. Title from Mountain Goats. Thanks to Mosca.


"I wasn't cut out to be anyone's personal assistant," Dawn said. She kept watching the person she was supposed to be assisting while talking on the phone. Camilla was putting on eyeliner from the make-up counter, ignoring everyone around her while she put exactly the wrong color on her lower lid.

"Better you than me," Faith said. Dawn was pretty sure she was smirking, just by the sound of her voice over the phone. Of course, Faith pretty much always sounded like that. Unless she was drunk or it was one of the one days out of eighteen hundred and twelve when Faith was being vulnerable. By Dawn's calculation, she'd have to wait another five years, four months and six days for that.

"You're even less cut out, I know. So I get stuck watching her. I really hate this plan. Have I said I hate this plan?"

"Over and over, kid," Faith said. "Do you see me?"

Dawn bit back her "not a kid, and actually, twenty is pretty far from being a kid and you're noth that much older than me." Overly defensive didn't really work with Faith. She briefly looked away from Camilla and glanced around. Then back to Camilla who'd realized the color sucked for her currently blue eyes and was wiping off the eyeliner while looking for a different one from the rack. "I do see you," Dawn said. Faith looked good and sexy, as always. Totally standing out from the rest of the high end customers at the store but good for Faith. "How much are those boots to your left? Don't tell me if they're over a hundred. No, do. No, don't."

"Three hundred and twenty-five. What are they made of, extinct cows?" Faith paused. "You're right, though, they are pretty sweet."

"Don't steal anything," Dawn said.

"Yeah, like I'm the shoplifter here," Faith said. She laughed. "Okay, I'd do it. If we weren't working."

"I gotta go, Camilla needs her credit card." Dawn sighed and reached into her purse as she walked over to her charge. Maybe she'd accidentally add some eyeliner for herself onto the bill. And then have the Council reimburse Camilla after everything was done on the up and up and everything.


"Thanks for staying out here," Camilla said, not even looking at Dawn. "I mean, it's totally your job, but I guess all these weirdos stalking me would scare most people. But your girlfriend is pretty butch so you really don't have anything to worry about."

Faith flexed her arm and grinned. "They called me that in prison, too, Cammie. Or was it bitch? Now I don't remember."

Camilla blanched and went into the bedroom without another word. She closed the door very carefully.

Faith got off the couch and paced around the room. "This is a pretty sweet hotel. Did you check the windows in her room?"

"Yes," Dawn said. "And put two bags of demon-specific charms in front of all of them. If those demons want in to eat her entrails, they'll have to come through the door. I told her they were potpourri."

"Don't they smell like pizza?" Faith shrugged. "I gotta say, I'd rather have pizza smell in my room than flowers."

"They smell like oregano." Dawn started pulling out the bed from the couch. "I told her my family are Gypsies and it was special anti-stalking stuff. Which she believed. If Giles and the coven and Willow hadn't sworn Camilla was the girl, I'd bet those demons made a mistake."

"Sucks to be her," Faith said, flopping on the bed after Dawn had smoothed out the sheets and made it look nice. "She's some great big chosen one but she doesn't get any powers out of it. She just gets to be killed."

"If we suck," Dawn said. "And hopefully, we don't, once the new moon passes and they haven't eaten any intestines. Then she's just another Disney star, getting ready for High Musical 10."

"Are they up to 10?" Faith took off her boots, giving Dawn a view of her back and Jennifer-Lopez-worthy ass. It was a really nice view. Of course, Dawn would get stuck having a pretend girlfriend who was totally the girlfriend she would have picked for herself, even if they weren't undercover and stuff. Not that Faith did girlfriends. Dawn had decided she'd settle for sex, if it came up. Which it hadn't in the past three weeks.

Faith turned around and slipped out of her jeans. It was like the beginning of a really wonderful porno except Faith still had her underwear on and it was boring white cotton. Not boring, actually, at all, but Dawn would have liked none or something red and way more sheer. Dawn looked up resolutely and said, "What?"

"Whatever, get ready for bed, will ya? She comes out of there and you're still in your jeans and sweater and she might think we're not dating."

"Right," Dawn said. She stripped down to her tank top and boycut panties. The ones she'd bought special three weeks and two days ago when this whole stupid plan had been outlined. This was the third time she'd worn them and the third time Faith hadn't even looked twice.


Dawn woke up to someone playing with her hair. Unlike the dream she'd been having, it was not ant-eaters in pink tutus asking her help to plan the school dance. Dawn blinked and sat up a little. "Was there something in my hair?"

"Nope," Faith said. "I was bored."

"Thanks for waking me up," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "Do you want to play Boggle or something?"

"You're sleeping with Faith, not Willow, baby." Faith laughed quietly. She kept playing with Dawn's hair and it was weirdly sexy. Not weirdly when she would accidentally brush Dawn's neck or cheek with her fingers. Flat-out sexy.

"Or we could do something else," Dawn said.

"Demons aren't coming tonight. Why not?"

Dawn sat up and kissed her. Faith rolled on top of her and then pushed herself up slightly. "Finally. I mean, B's gonna kill me, I was kinda hoping I'd be able to say you started it." Faith shifted and wedged her thigh between Dawn's legs. "If that works for you."

Dawn decided to let more kissing with added grope-age be her answer.


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