Notes and disclaimers: all characters property of mutant enemy, etc. Not mine, no profit garnered ever. Thanks to Tigs for beta action.
THE DEMON SELLS PRADA
"How long have you been coming here?" Cordelia crossed her arms and blocked the selection of to-die-for summer dresses.
Buffy said, "Just today. I was at the mall, and now I think I'm not. Cordelia, did you make a wish? Or take up the dark arts? Cause that would totally explain the prices."
"I have nothing to do with this store. Except for the part where I shop here and you shouldn't. At all. They have nothing your size."
Buffy took a deep breath and said, "So it's a plus size store?"
"I am not a plus size," Cordelia said.
"You're a bitch plus. And you started it. What is this store? Why are the prices so low? These aren't even last season's shoes."
"I know," Cordelia said. She grabbed the shoes from Buffy's hands and looked at the size. "Okay, not my size, here. And I think the store is run by a demon. But this is only my second time here and I would really appreciate it if you didn't do your thing and kill him and get me covered in slime while you do it."
Buffy scanned the store for demons. And wow, yeah, they were totally obvious working the counter and running the dressing room. Which all the ordinary Sunnydale women milling around were totally ignoring, horns and all, as they grabbed up the clothes. Buffy looked at the leather shoes in her hand. "Are these real? How can they be only $20?"
"They are real. God, can't you tell anymore? When did you stop reading Vogue? Was it when you started dating vampires? Or dating Faith?" Cordelia marched away and started looking through the bras and panties.
They were really also really nice, Buffy noted. And she was way over her allowance. Then she shook her head and said, "Hey, I didn't date Faith."
"Really? Okay, if that's your story." Cordelia held a red lacy bra against her breasts. "Look, there's someone at the counter you can question instead of stalking me."
Buffy walked past an entire rack of gorgeous coats without looking and felt very proud of herself when she stopped at the counter. "Hey, horn boy, what's the deal with this store?"
"Yes, it's all real, yes, the prices are correct, no, it's not cursed." The demon didn't even look up.
"Okay, let's start again and this time, you're going to say, 'Ms. Vampire Slayer who is totally armed, I solemnly swear I will now explain how this store works.'" Buffy took her stake out of her purse and held it near where the demon's throat probably was.
"Oh, hey, chill." The demon backed up. "Look, a lot of people disappear and die in Sunnydale. I've got my ear to the ground and I get to their houses first. Sell their stuff. I've got some charms on the store so it's at the mall, but I don't pay rent or nothing."
"So that's why I just turned the corner and here I was. Huh. So you don't kill anyone."
"I don't have to," the demon said. "Demons who kill people get killed themselves, thanks to you. I just, you know, reap the rewards. Buys me all the virgin sheep I need to be happy."
"Ew. And you better be telling the truth. Or I'll come back and there'll be more than your ear on the ground. There will be blood. And guts." Buffy's gaze wandered to the jewelry displayed under the counter. "Also, how much is that ring?"
Buffy walked out with a lot of bags and having only spent $100. The demon even gave her a tiny discount for not killing him. She almost walked straight into Cordelia, leaning against the wall with her own bags. "Hey," Cordelia said. "Can you take me back to your place?"
"Because I secretly hate myself and want to be miserable?"
"I can't go home just yet. But I ran out of money. So I waited for you."
"Why not just yet?"
Cordelia looked tired for a moment. "Just because, Buffy. Don't worry about it. I'm only in Sunnydale for another week, and you only have to put up with me for an hour or two. And feed me."
"You're leaving for college already?" Buffy felt a twinge of something. Possibly regret.
"I'm not going to college." Cordelia stepped forward with her chin out. "I'm going to LA and I'm going to be a huge star."
"That's, that's cool," Buffy said. "Really. I think it's cool you're willing to just take that risk, grab at what you want."
"How much of a risk is it? I'm prettier than those hags they have playing teenagers on the WB. I figure I'll be working by July. Maybe on Friends." Cordelia smiled. "So give me lunch and I promise to remember you when I'm big and famous. I'll buy you a really cool stake or something."
"Fine," Buffy said. "I'd rather have a car, though. I have enough stakes."
When they got back to the house, Cordelia immediately went to the fridge. Which was annoying because she was blocking Buffy's view. Instead she was left staring at Cordelia's butt. Which was very toned, as always. Also, Cordelia was wearing a thong.
So, okay, Buffy'd made out with Faith a few times. Before she turned evil. And it was not dating. She thought those thoughts were Faith-specific, not a general girl-lust. Maybe it was a specific brunette-girl-with-curves lust. Buffy shook her head again. She was twisting up her own head. "Cordelia, do you want a wine cooler?"
"One of these ones your mom has hidden under the Chinese take-out? Sure. Not worried about getting in trouble, are ya?" Cordelia popped up with two in her hand and even offered one to Buffy.
"She doesn't know they're there, actually. She thinks she drank them all. I was saving them for a moviefest with Willow next week but she's decided we should watch Rashomon sober."
"Rash-a what?" Cordelia opened her wine cooler and drank it down. "No, don't explain. I don't care. I'm so out of this town. Don't you wish you were, too?"
"No, I'm fine." Buffy shrugged. She drank her wine cooler. She looked at Cordelia's tight shirt and thought about being on Friends. "I mean, sure, it'd be nice. But I've got responsibilities."
"And you put Faith in a coma and she's crazy and evil so you're totally stuck." Cordelia sighed. "You want to try on our new super bargain clothes?"
"Sure," Buffy said.
They ended up in Buffy's room, drinking three more wine coolers each while they showed off dresses, shirts and eventually, the same red lacy bra Buffy had seen Cordelia holding.
"This has been nice," Buffy said.
"You sound so surprised," Cordelia said. She grinned and laid back on the bed, in her new red bra and brown Donna Karan skirt that was definitely mini on Cordelia. "I mean, I know I'm a bitch. But I'm still fun."
"Sometimes," Buffy said. "Sometimes you are fun."
"You are a little drunk," Cordelia said. "And I'm not saying that because you called me fun, I'm saying that because you're slurring your words a little."
"Maybe I am," Buffy said. "I get a night off, you know? Plus, the vampires are kinda lying low after graduation so I'm not very busy."
"Plus you quit the Council thing and got Wesley fired. And Giles was already fired," Cordelia said, picking at her bra straps. "This is a little itchy. I think I should cut out the tags." She sat up and took it off. "Enjoying the view?"
"No," Buffy said. She suspected she sounded like she was lying.
"You totally dated Faith. And I'm hotter than her." Cordelia smiled and slipped off her skirt. "Look, I've been to cheerleader camp."
Buffy stared at Cordelia's pretty much perfect breasts. She couldn't think of anything to say and she didn't see what cheerleader camp had to do with anything. She did know she'd had an awful senior year, she'd probably never see Cordelia again. She deserved this, just like she deserved all the awesome designer clothes she'd been wearing that had been looted from Sunnydale homes. She needed to stop thinking so she said, "So you wanna make out?"
Cordelia took a deep breath and Buffy watched how her breasts rose and fell. "Sure. I hope you're good, because these babies don't come out for people who can't kiss."
"They're already out," Buffy said. She leaned forward and cupped Cordelia's breasts while she kissed her. It was a very good kiss, with tongue, and pressing and little moaning sounds from Cordelia. "See?" She pulled back a little to get her own shirt off.
"Okay, you're good." Cordelia smiled and leaned forward. "I'm better."
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